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 blue and brown abstract painting 

Escaping The Vortex


Fire raged in the center of the Vortex as Ash approached, lingering on the edges of the maelstrom. It blew upwards like a great well of fire, and around it stood twelve judges, watching, waiting, lingering to see what she would do. They sat at their posts and didn’t move, not even Horsey, whom Ash would have thought would be more trembly than that.

“Where’s Fidelity?” Ash finally asked.

They watched her, twisting their eyebrows together as if she had asked something unreasonable, as if she had spoken gibberish instead of fact, merely Latin instead of a name. “Who?” Kuyibka asked.

“Yes, her.”

Loki laughed from his seat, a low dry chuckle that sent chills through Ash’s bones. She knew him well—had once had an intimate familiarity with him, but even now the sight of him again once more stirred her heart into trembling fear. Had they once been like family? Friends? Enemies? Mentors? She couldn’t remember, and the variations the story had taken seemed to mesh and collide here in the darkness of her mind/the brightness of the Vortex. She couldn’t entirely decide where she was seated and where her heart was at.

“For someone who likes to play with fire, you tend to avoid it,” Loki said.

Confused, Ash turned back to the fire, leaning into it, staring down. Through the flames, there opened a gap in the well, a long dark abyss traveling downward.

And clinging to the ledges of the abyss was the Who. Crying out, Ash lunged forward, attempting to grab her hands, her clothes, anything to pull her up by. “Don’t just stand there!” she screamed to the characters. “Do something!”

They shook their heads and didn’t move. “She’s been like that for days. We can’t reach her.” Still though, they didn’t try to warn her off or tell her It was a lost cause for her to try. Maybe they knew that even if they had, she wouldn’t have listened.

So Ash lunged forward, leaning deeper and deeper, and then just barely managed to snatch hold of the Who’s jacket. She looked up then, and the two met eyes, and Ash was startled by the unfamiliarity in them. It was as if she was looking into the eyes of a stranger, one so hopelessly lost and uncertain, caught in the abyss of sorrow and suffering and coming face to face with an unexpected hand.

“Fidelity!” she shouted. “Give me your hand and I’ll pull you out of there.”

The woman stared at her again, as if plunged into deeper confusion. “Please, give me your hand,” Ash pleaded, reaching deeper into the well. The fire and flames had previously parted as if to make way for her presence, but now the girl’s gaze narrowed, and the flames began to rise higher and creep towards her again.

Confused, Ash lunged for her hand and grabbed it, this time taking it from the ledge and pulling backwards with all her might.

“HELP ME!” she cried again, begging the characters to join her, but none of them did.

Anastasia tilted her head to the side and said softly but not too softly for her to still hear the cold spite that lingered, “Where were you when we needed your help?”

“She’s going to fall!”

“Why won’t you let her?” Loki asked.

“Because I don’t want her to die! She’s in danger. She needs help!”

“What if what’s better for her is at the bottom of the pit?” Loki asked, a gentle eyebrow tilted upwards.

“You don’t know that,” Ash insisted. “The better world might be the one up here. Heck, it probably is the one up here. Give me a hand for crying out loud; she’s already infected you all.”

Fidelity began to twist in her grasp then, and Ash had to redirect her attention to pulling her out, and she strained, heaving with all her might and strength, but nothing worked. Now, she held half the weight of another person and her own, and she began to slip into the well after her friend.

“I’m not going to let you go,” she told Fidelity, and at that, the girl’s eyes narrowed, and the flames immediately roared higher.

Crying out in pain, Ash began to slip, doing everything she could to hold on. Fidelity began to twist and writhe, attempting to yank herself from Ash’s grasp.

“STOP, STOP, what are you doing!” she cried out, but it didn’t change a thing.

Then from below, she could hear her words repeated back to her in a much more sinister tone of voice, “I’m never going to let you go.”

And in seeing the man holding on to her friend’s leg, Ash shivered in fear. She couldn’t let her go. She couldn’t.

But if she didn’t…. If she didn’t let her go, what greater harm would be done? Would she have to spend her entire life bouncing back and forth between person and person? Lost in the world that had been created for her to live in?

The characters watched, judging her from their podiums, and once more she pleaded for help, once more she tried to pull up her friend, but the weight was too much, and with Fidelity squirming as she was to get free, Ash just. Couldn’t. hold. Her. Anymore.

And the Who yanked herself free and fell into the abyss of the well below. And Ash stood still at the topic, shocked. Confused. Hurt. Crying. Wondering.

“Is she going to be okay?” she asked.

She looked around the circle and noticed that some of the characters had disappeared with the fall, including Horsey.

“I guess you’ll need to leave that up to us to decide,” Loki murmured, bridging the gap between them and peering into the fire. “Since you couldn’t help her either, you are free to leave when you’d like.”

Choking back a sob as the heat scalded her face, Ash stepped backward, fleeing the fire in fear and shame.

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pink and brown makeup brush set

Noelle's Nose

Noelle Ese Nosse had no clue how to make make-up, but she was determined to try. From her thinking position—one foot propped on her bed, one on her desk, and her head upside down between them both—she scribbled out ideas in pink crayon with her free hand, alleviating pressure only to shift the weight between her head to her hand. She did her best brainstorming upside down. She’d read a book somewhere where the antagonist did the same, and though she had never fancied herself a villain, she did find that they generally had the best ideas and good reasons for following through on them.

Yet by now, her head had begun to heat up from the blood rushing to it, so she set the crayon down, propped herself with both hands, and shook out the tingles. However, in so doing, her foot slipped from the bed and sent her tumbling to the ground, where she rolled over and looked up blankly at the ceiling. Despite the slight twinge in her side and heart, she felt alright, just a little sad that she had only been able to hold the position for two minutes or so this time. Still, it was a new record. The last brainstorm page only had a couple of lines on it—not even words, just lines.

At one point long ago, she’d glued a mirror to her ceiling, obsessed with trying to determine what her future spouse would see if he watched her sleep. She’d been wildly unsuccessful then, eventually resorting to hanging her camera on a string from the closet door and setting an all-night timer (the results of which were horrific to view). Now, she used the mirror to examine her reflection: wild red hair covering most of her freckled face, with the ink stains from yesterday’s explosion and the pink crayon dotting her nose just peeking through. The comedy almost brought her to tears, until she tipped her head to the right and had a magical realization.

She didn’t have to make the best makeup products to sell them on the market! She just had to achieve the best makeup fail! Giggling in delight, she jumped to her feet, swayed a bit from the woozy rush of blood to its normal facilities, and got to work.

After three bouts of incessant knocking, Jordan cracked her door open, rubbing her eyes and yawning. “Geez oh peets, Noelle, what on earth can be so important at three a.m.?”

Excited that Jordan was as excited as she was, Noelle bounced in place, rattling off her idea as quickly as possible, then finished by saying, “So, I’m just going to need some setting powder!”

Jordan didn’t respond for a full minute, just looking at Noelle, who thought she noticed her friend’s eyebrow twitching just slightly. “You don’t even know what setting powder is,” she replied flatly.

Noelle grinned. “Exactly! I’ve heard it’s important for getting makeup to set.”

“You want to start a business with my setting powder?” Jordan asked again, opening her door a bit wider.

“YES! Isn’t it an honor? YOU get to be the core supporter of Noelle’s Nose!”

“Newsflash,” she replied, a bit aggressively, “It already exists. It’s called Loreal.” With that, Jordan slammed her door.

“But I’ll make you cookies! I’ll give you first dibs on beta testing the final—”

“JUST GO TO BED!”

Noelle stood there a minute longer, and the twinge in her heart returned. This happened sometimes in situations where others felt sad. She and Jordan had been best friends before college, but now it seemed that all she did was annoy her.

Shaking it off, Noelle tried her other two roommates and received similar responses. Musing, she figured it was best to move down the length of her dorm, which she did. Some came to the door beleaguered, others panicked, others not at all. Some, typically people who had lived in the same dorm as her last year as well, came to the door prepared with some oddity or another to give her. By the end of the night, she had gathered a host of ingredients from confused donors and managed to slip away to the chemistry lab just as the sun rose.

She’d come to college as a chemistry and fashion merchandising double major. However, when her third attempt to make an explosive dress like Katniss Everdeen’s resulted in a sulfuric and hydrochloric acid spill on another student, she’d been politely asked to drop her double major in chemistry. The fashion kids loved her though, elevating her to the top of their social hierarchy as the one weirdo who had an exotic future outside college but was untouchable within it. Still, before she’d been asked to leave chemistry, she’d swiped the key to the lab, made a mimic using wax and clay, then proceeded to work on her designs in the early morning hours between the janitor’s exit and the TA’s arrival. The TAs had, of course, heard the legend of her exploding dress, but due to confidentiality requirements, they had no idea it was Noelle who wasn’t supposed to be in the lab, and they quite liked hearing her original ideas.

She liked the TAs too, and often she’d try out her prototypes on them to check the feasibility of her product. Neither would try them on without lab coats on top because of the high combustibility rate, so she had to take slightly different measurements than normal, but the end results usually still fit well though.

Today, she decided to try to convince them to apply her makeup to the bare skin, but she had to make sure it would work and not chisel away at their skin. Having never made—or worn—makeup before, she figured the best place to start would be its consistency. For the next several hours, she experimented with the texture of the product. After an hour or two, she had managed to combine some types of makeup, a couple of acids, a base, and a LOT of water to make a packed product.

Yet, as she crafted, she came up with an even better idea.

What if she took the makeup she had just made and created a portable face mask for instant application! For her, she didn’t apply makeup because learning how to do it and then actually doing it would take way more time out of her daily schedule than she had the willingness to give up. But if she made an automatic application process—people would go nuts for it!

She figured her makeup would need to boil for about thirty or forty-five minutes to reach the proper texture and consistency, so she decided to violate lab safety rule number one and head to the fashion cutting room while it boiled.

The walk took about ten minutes, a process she completed by singing at the top of her lungs to welcome the daylight, a soprano against the Mockingjay choir that typically accompanied her voice at about this time each morning. On a whim, she decided to sprint the rest of the way to the lab, suddenly remembering her boiling makeup, which spurred her on further. When she got there, she let herself in with a similarly acquired key and raced to the craft room for as many fabric styles as she could gather.

In her mind, she envisioned a face mask like the ones branded with the fancy green trills that read “Mint Regeneration,” a little soapy to the touch, but otherwise easily applicable. If she captured the same idea with her own work, she could take the makeup and attach it to a permeable fabric and apply it easily to the skin.

Settling at her normal table, she sketched a light drawing, approximating where Amy and Michael’s facial features would go. In some places, she pressed deeper into the cloth, marking the heaviest marks above the eyes and along the bridge of the nose. She used a deeper red pencil to denote the edges of their lips. Already familiar with their favorite colors, she picked at the cloth, cutting it into different shapes and experimenting with the perfect mat for her new product. As she worked, Noelle wondered if she should have tested each of these parts at different stages—creating the makeup first or maybe applying pre-existing makeup to the mask to make sure it worked on its own.

On the other hand, she was marketing her brand under the category of makeup fails, so why not do it this way? It’d be a fantastic way to test both parts of the product, and if one failed, then that should be celebrated! It meant the brand was achieving its aim.

Giggling to herself, she flipped the mask over and sketched a long, angular nose on the end, what she’d imagined hers would look like in charcoal had she been able to draw self-portraits. She’d made the logo back in high school, taking the joke of her name and making it a practical brand. Of her many skills, art was the only one multiple people regularly affirmed in her. Normally, they told her to stop trying so hard or to do something else with her spare time besides inventing new products.

Lost in that thought, she faltered. Outside, she heard laughter from the freshmen fashion students trickling into their first class next door, their casual community with each other the center of attention. Muffled, she heard them saying,

“And then he broke up with me and said I’d never be alone because Ally was my best friend, and I just kinda looked at him and laughed because clearly he’s never been broken up with before—”

“Wait, didn’t you say Ally wasn’t talking to you anymore because of him?”

“Yes, and see that’s the thing, this jerk was so oblivious, he didn’t even realize everything I’d sacrificed to be with…”

The voices trailed away, replaced by Professor Sierra’s clicking footsteps and the door shutting behind them. Noelle hesitated. She’d never had enough spare time to engage in petty gossip or have a boyfriend or a best friend and manage all the complications of their emotions, but glancing around the empty lab, she imagined a future where she sacrificed her craft to be with someone. She’d have to temper herself down, wear “normal” clothes, smile when touched, let herself be kissed—

Noelle shuddered. She wouldn’t go back there. She’d never go back there. Besides, she’d also have to wear makeup, which was currently overboiling on the stove. The reminder left her leaping to her feet and shoving her designs into her bag. Besides, someone had to make the stuff so every other little girl out there who didn’t have a mother to teach them how to wear it wouldn’t have to rewrite themselves to learn.

As if conjured by the thought, the lab door squeaked open, and Anthony stepped in. The only male fashion student in the class of 2025, they had bonded early freshman year as similar outcasts. He had his own designs on the other side of the lab, and though they didn’t match the fluttering butterfly suit or the edible vest that hung above her own table, his designs exuded an elegant confidence she admired. Normally, she would have given him a curt nod and continued, but today, she lingered, her earlier thoughts still present.

As he made his way to his table, she asked, “Hey Anthony, have you ever had a best friend?”

He looked up and removed an earbud. “What?”

“Do you have a best friend?”

The two of them stared at each other in silence for so long that even Noelle began to feel the awkwardness. “Do you?” he asked.

“Not in college,” she said. “I don’t know if one that died in high-school still counts.”

“I feel like that’s where most friendships die,” he replied, putting his earbud back in and continuing to his desk.

She felt strange, wondering if she should ask him more questions or push a little harder for an answer, but something left her unfocused and uncertain. She didn’t know what to do with such a feeling, so she moved along, leaving it behind her.

Outdoors, the sun had risen fully now, and she sang along with the birds and felt happy again. No one had friends who could match these. Further, birds didn’t waste her time with silly things like gossip and drama.

So thinking, she danced on, making her way back to the chemistry lab. When she arrived, the first class was already preparing to come in, and she realized she’d spent a little longer than planned lost in thought and working on her designs. Weaving her way through the crowd, she unlocked the lab and closed it behind her, turning and coming face to face with the scowling dean who had originally escorted her from her major and the two cowering TAs behind him.

Amy shook her head wildly back and forth and pantomimed zipping her mouth. Noelle frowned, trying to make out what she was saying.

“What are you saying?” she asked Amy.

The dean whirled about and raised an eyebrow. “What are you saying? Is this the girl who did this?” he asked. The two stared impassively at him, and Noelle shrugged. If it wasn’t worth saying to the dean, it must not have been important.

“What are you doing here, Noelle?” the dean asked, turning back to her. “Are you responsible for this mess?”

He stepped back, and Noelle could see the overflowing remnants of her pot of makeup scattered about the tiled floor. However, her excitement overwhelmed any dismay. “You remembered my name!” she exclaimed. “Of course, I’m responsible for this. It’s going to be the world’s next breakthrough in makeup! There’s nothing quite like it in the world! Here, let me show you,” she said, pausing to draw out the mask she had made from her bag.

Racing to the pooling matter, she scooped some of the foam onto her cloth and smoothed it flat with the back of the ladle. It stained the purple cloth a darker shade of blue, but it looked safe enough to apply to the skin.

Proudly, she demonstrated her new product. “Welcome to Noelle’s Nose, a specialty of novel fashion and makeup. Today, I present the Make-Up Fail, a spectacular product to cover the worst of blemishes and accentuate natural features in less than two minutes!”

The dean lifted an eyebrow. “You have a blend of acids and some cloth—that’s not exactly a new product.”

“Ah, but just wait! I prepared my prototypes for your lovely TAs here—”

“Y’all knew about this?!” the dean asked, horrified. Amy face-palmed.

“—but if you care to sample the product, I’d be glad to show you just how amazing it can be!”

The dean hesitated, imagining his future career options. If he allowed her to sample her technology on either herself or the TAs and something terrible happened, he would be held accountable for the action. The TAs were already beholden to her. He knew Noelle would sample her product on someone no matter what. Further, if the mask did work somehow, he could claim a portion of the profits for the college of sciences because she had tested it in his lab.

These thoughts and no other iota of common sense led him to proffer his hand, and she delightedly handed him the face mask.

“What do I do with this?” he asked, resigned.

“Just put it on and leave it there for about five minutes! It’ll do the rest.”

So wear it he did, trying to ignore the gradual itchiness of his face and the layers that seemed to press themselves into and clog his skin. While he wore it, Noelle rambled on about the process and began scooping her solution into jars to take with her. “It’s the latest in time-conscious fashion,” she declared. By this time next week, everyone on campus will be beta-testing it!”

“Noelle, I don’t know if that’s a good idea—” he began.

“Nonsense! The more beta testers the better!” she declared. Noticing a slight reddening around the edges of the dean’s skin, she abruptly changed gears. “Speaking of which, I think it’s about time for the mask to come off now.”

“But it’s only been a couple of minutes!” he said. “I thought you said five!”

“I said about five,” she corrected. “Go ahead and take it off.”

He did, and she and Amy stepped back to study the results. “Well? Well?” he asked,

“You look stunning,” Noelle replied. And, well… was she lying? No. He looked stunning in a way that no one could match.

To herself, Noelle made some mental notes to deepen the lines on the makeup. It didn’t quite look like a makeup fail, more just ordinary makeup.

Amy’s jaw dropped. “Noelle, you’re a genius!” she exclaimed. “How did you do that? It looks perfect! The eye shading is just right, and the eyelashes and eyebrows? I don’t even know how you got the accents on the lips!” Michael nodded in admiration too, though he’d been a lot more excited by the flip-flops with engine-powered wheels.

The dean smiled and nodded to himself. “I always knew you were a revolutionary creative, Noelle. With proper supervision and caution,” he said, casting a glance at the overflowing pot. “You could always rejoin our chemistry program if you wish. We just ask that you share the profits of what you create with the Department of Sciences for funding your innovation.”

Noelle beamed. He would let her rejoin?! It was the perfect scenario.

“I’ll make you proud, dean!” she declared.

“In fact, I’ll make you a TA too, so you don’t have to get Amy or Michael to let you in,” he declared.

“Sir, we don’t—” Michael began, before being interrupted by a firm kick from Amy.

“That would be lovely,” Amy said. “Noelle is a genius, and we can’t wait to have her on our team.”

“Just clean that up,” the dean said, motioning at the pot. “We need to get the next class in here.” With that, he left, smiling proudly to himself in amazement at how good he looked and about how it all came back to the magic of science.

As Noelle knelt to clean, Amy and Michael came to join her, each helping brainstorm how to make the product better than before. As they rambled about the different chemicals and compounds she used, she smiled to herself because she realized she had friends after all: Amy and Michael and Anthony. But a best friend? An idea came to her, and she grinned, scooping up several more vials of the liquid and pulling the last mask from her satchel.

Glancing at the industrial classroom clock, she figured she could still make it to the dorm before Jordan left for her first class. “Sorry, y’all, I’ve got to go. It’s important stuff. I promise I’ll stay behind and clean up extra stuff after your next lab.”

Amy gave her a thumbs up, and Michael nodded, so she took off, vials banging against each other loosely in her bag. When she made it to her dorm, she paused outside the door, lathering the makeup against the mask’s fabric. Something about the pencil had allowed it to interact directly with the makeup to create a natural look—the exact makeup style Jordan loved to wear.

Yet when she entered the room, Jordan hadn’t left her room, so Noelle waited on the couch in the common area, shifting her feet back and forth in anxious anticipation. Eventually, Jordan cracked her door open and staggered from her room, looking much like the walking dead. She noticed Noelle but didn’t acknowledge her, instead going straight to the mirror and rubbing at her eyes.

“I look awful,” she muttered aloud. “Guess that’s what happens when you get woken up at three a.m.”

After a pointed look at Noelle, she glanced over at the time and rolled her eyes. “Annnd, I don’t have time to get ready. Thanks a lot.”

“Hey, Jordan?” Noelle asked, softer.

“Ya?”

“I made you something that will both help with that problem and also serve as a thank you for letting me bother you in the late hours.”

Jordan raised an eyebrow, the victim of too many of Noelle’s unfinished projects. “Something that works?”

“Yeah.”

“What is it?”

Noelle held up the mask. “It’s Noelle’s Nose makeup applier; it’ll put all your makeup on for the day in two minutes or less.”

“If that’s true, it’ll save some time.”

“Dean Lewis already tested it out, and he loved it so much he invited me to rejoin the chemistry program and become a TA.”

Jordan glanced at the time again and sighed. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.”

Noelle smiled, and Jordan took it, unfolding the cloth and applying it to her face. She pushed to attach it firmly, and while she waited, she ducked back into her room to get dressed.

Then came the moment of truth. Peeling off one corner at a time, she said, “If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna—”

Then she saw her face, and her jaw dropped. “How did you do that, Noelle? In one night?”

Noelle nodded, and Jordan was so happy she ran to hug her. “I’m gonna make it to my class in time and look fantastic. You should make more of these!”

The inventor grinned and hugged her friend tightly. “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been inconsiderate these past few weeks. I’ve just been excited about all these ideas in my head, and when I get an idea, I have to chase it to the end.”

Jordan tipped her head back and reflected. “You know, I’ve been pretty rude too. I’m stressed about school assignments. But just know,” she said, smiling, “I will always make time for you, even if I’m grouchy early in the morning. I’ve gotta run now, but let’s get dinner tonight, huh?”

Noelle nodded, and as her friend raced out the door, she smiled to herself again. At last, everything felt right in her world again.
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assorted paintings on white painted wall 

 Daddy's Girl

She moved out at 17 but stayed on her daddy’s credit card because he refused to let her starve. Her cousins loved her more, she shouted. “They said I could live with them. They’ll fight for me like you’ve never fucking done.”

“All I’ve ever done is fight for you, you piece of shit. Everything I’ve ever done has been for you and your sister,” he’d growl.

They’d had police and CPS investigators from the religious scream-outs in the back of the garage, her yells shattering the hollow peace of the white-collar neighborhood and his quiet, biting response so muffled it sounded like she was yelling to herself.

Proficient in every category of makeup product, she’d cover up the self-inflicted cutting, scratches, and bite marks when the police arrived, flashing her perfect smile at the officers. She’d flirt with the men while her dad loomed in the background. They’d ask if she was okay—wink once if you need help—and she’d laugh wildly aloud and say, “No, no, no, I’m just a daddy’s girl, you know how it is.”

They didn’t know what to do with her charisma—no one did—so they stood in silence that should have been awkward if she wasn’t smiling so damn nicely and perfectly charismatic, then left the two to their fights.

When the neighbors called again ten minutes later, complaining and concerned, the officers shook their heads and shrugged. “Nothing we can do, ma’am. They’re fine. Just noisy. Ask ‘em to be quieter next time.” So they would, but nothing changed, and the fights continued.

In those years leading up to 17, they had good moments too. He’d take her shopping, and she’d sweeten him up. He’d buy her dresses and heels and anything she wanted, gifts to make up for the last fight. She learned to drop hints then start an argument, and inevitably, she’d get a new pair of airpods or even diamonds.

They’d visit museums together too, strolling through the arts district like the aristocratic new wealth they pretended to be. They preferred modern art museums because the colors and duct taped bananas and empty white walls with the single red metal square left more to the imagination. When attendants stopped by to give more information about the artist or piece, the two of them nodded in avid attention. The minute they stepped far enough way, they’d devolve into giggles and mock the work relentlessly.

“A modern Pinocchio, his nose melts down the length of his face, a chance to represent the deepest meaning of deceit in the modern world,” her dad would say.

She’d pucker her lips and prop a manicured finger against her chin, adding, “What a majestic craft to think of such a thing—I wonder if he drew inspiration from the Sphinx.” The two regarded the statue in light-hearted mockery and pantomimed the expression.

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blue and white abstract painting

Mountain Man

In a crag on a mountain a former explorer nurses his wounds and counts his losses. He’s had every reason to give up, to sit in the cold and roundly assert he continues to suffer. He’s not comfortable here, but he doesn’t try to be—it’s easy to sit in the cold, and at some level, he thinks he deserves as much.

He could keep moving, but he doesn’t want to. To keep going? To turn back? To stay here? He wants none of it. He wants his arm back.

The cold death of frostbite bites into his bones, and he shivers, pulling ragged garments closer about him. In the darkness of his cave, he wonders why he left home in the first place. He fantasizes of the days before this cold. They were softer and gentler and warmer and… emptier.

Was that why he started this journey? Was that why he sacrificed everything to pursue it? His arm, his love, his friends, his career, his joy? Because someone had told him of a hope greater than he could imagine alone. He remembers now, in the cold and the snow, that at one point a guide had been leading him too, and he’d been part of the caravan climbing the mountain together. Just as others had followed him, he’d been following someone else, who’d been following someone else and so on and so forth—a mighty train of explorers all trailing their way around the mountain together. Each sought the footsteps of the person before them, and when one looked for them, they weren’t difficult to make out in the snow.

Yet even now, despite the ongoers who pass his cave, he feels alone. He’s sacrificed more. Yearned more. Loved more. Obeyed more. And for what? The ones who walk around and beside and behind him can’t know what it’s like to lose so much. To hurt and grieve this much. All they know is the ever-present trod onward up the mountain, following footsteps but never forging paths of their own.

Torn apart by his grief and utterly miserable, he flings himself back to the stone floor, closes his eyes, and attempts to shut out the pain.

“Still feeling sorry for yourself?” comes a voice from above, a hint of teasing tucked into it.

“If you knew what I’ve lost—”

“We’ve all lost.”

“Not like this.” He doesn’t budge or open his eyes, but he can hear the other sitting beside him, crossing his legs and rubbing his hands together. Part of him knows he should sit up, put the façade back on, smile until he can’t stand the pain of his eccedentesiasm a second longer.

They sit together until the stamping of feet outside his cave moves along and silence settles over the mountaintop.

“Shouldn’t you be going with them?” the former explorer asks.

He hears a slight chuckle and a momentary silence before, “No, they already know where they’re going. I’m here for you.”

Curious now, he rolls over and studies the man next to him. There’s a kind but determined set to his jaw, and his equipment seems weathered but whole.

He smiles knowingly before returning his gaze to the mouth of the cave. “I don’t blame you for giving up here. Men have lost their lives on the road ahead many times before.”

The wording stings the explorer’s pride. “It’s not that I don’t want to die.”

The man tips his head. “I know. But you don’t want to lose anything else. And somehow you believe that you won’t if you stay here.”

The two of them sit together in silence a minute before the explorer sits up, hacking and leaning against the wall. “I’ve lost everything.”

“Not yet.”

“Why should I lose more? What do I have to show for my losses? What worth is paradise when I have no arm to reach it with?

“Perhaps that’s something you have to find out.” A pause, then, “Will you walk with me aways?”

The explorer finds himself sliding back into the normal, and lifting a smile, he says. “I’m not sure I’m up to it right now, but I will be, and I’ll come follow you as soon as I’m rested.” He doesn’t speak of the drop, the downturn back.

“I’m not leaving without you,” the man says.

The explorer shakes his head. “It’s not worth waiting here for me.”

“Would I abandon someone I love? I’ve promised to never leave you. I will never forsake you.”

Bleary-eyed, the explorer closes his eyes and places his head in his hands. “You’re not really here. You’re a figment of my imagination. A delusion borne of pneumonia and hypothermia. The great pathfinders are far ahead on the path, not here.”

A hand on his shoulder—gentle, reassuring. “I’m here.” Another pause, then, “Will you walk with me?”

And how could he say no to that voice? Is this not the love for whom he gave up everything? Is this not the promise he suffered for so long to see fulfilled? Is this not the one who gave his very life that this path may be walked at all?

He knows, before he takes the man’s hand, that he won’t be coming back to this cave. He may take shelter in other caves along the way, slow down or trod a slower pace, but to walk hip in hip with he who is closer than a brother means walking forward. It means counting the struggles joy, as ludicrous as it seems. It means wailing laments from the mountaintops and listening to them echo across the valleys. It’s shouting and singing with a joy borne of something unreal, of a journey unlike any other.

“If you’re going to be a storyteller,” the man continues with a smile, “You might as well carry on. There’s a good many more stories to tell further up the mountain. What good is a disingenuine life in the Shire when the richness of life is still to be had?”

“Did you just make a Lord of the Rings reference?” the explorer asks.

“Tolkien was a good friend of mine,” the man returns.

The explorer can’t help himself and grins for a second before nodding his acquiescence. The man gives him a hand to help him up, and for a moment the rags he used to bandage it fall away, revealing the hole bored through it so long ago.

“Each of us will suffer for this path, but let us suffer with joy,” the man says, catching the explorer’s eye.

Pulling him to his feet, the man tucks his arm under and around the explorer, helping him find his feet and carrying him forward. Together, the two of them limp hip in hip a little further up the mountainside—he no longer alone, never alone.
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