A/N: So this is a rather pointless piece, more echoing some of my own frustrations in life and hopefully giving it a humorous twist. I was smiling the entire time I wrote it though, so hopefully y'all will like it too. :)

“Why can’t a guy and a girl just be friends?” I asked.

“Who said we can’t be friends?” Jason replied, winking at me. We both knew no chemistry existed between us (at least not that way), and more than once we had openly voiced this fact by loudly talking over each other.

 ~ ~ ~

I could never date you, Jordan.

            Of course not, I’m too good for the likes of you, Jason.

Danggg, seems to me you’ve got it flipped.

            How do I put this, but you’re just not my type.

As you’ve made crystal clear.

            Now that Savvy…

Mhmmmmmm

            Whatttttt?

 You like herrrr

            Is it that obvious? 

You literally just said her name and smiled. 

            aldsjfa;lsdfkjalsdfja

~ ~ ~ 

“Will this be together?” I mimicked the waitress, who in her defense was quite good at her job. “See, Jason, everyone thinks we’re dating or at least like each other. You should have heard what Shaley said to me.”

“And what was that?” Jason asked, slurping down his slushee. (We were seated at a bench outside a restaurant while he casually wrapped his arm around my shoulder.)

“Dang it, Jason, she thinks you like me.”

Jason made a retching sound, and I rolled my eyes, but we were both grinning. “Sounds to me like your friend is looking for love herself,” he commented, sticking his blue tongue out at me. “What’s her number?”

I gave him a look, but he didn’t notice at first, so busy was he with scooping the last remnants of dyed ice out of his cup. “You don’t think it is the slightest bit weird for me to randomly give you my friend’s number out of the blue?”

“Haha, blue, I see what you did there,” he joked, lifting his almost-empty cup towards me. “Want some?”

“Jason, no!” I insisted, scooting back. “That has all your germs on it, and after Covid, I’m not drinking after you any longer.”

“Well you shouldn’t have in the first place,” he winked.

“You promised you didn’t have Covid,” I retorted.

“I still think you’re the one who gave it to me,” he replied.

“You had it first, bozo.”

“But you got tested first, didn’t you?”

I started laughing, “Shut up, Jason.”

“Aha! You can’t refute that fact, can you? You know, I’ll forever hold this over your head!”

An aging woman walked past us on a cane, and I leaped up ready to help her. She just motioned me back down though, winking and gesturing towards Jason. “You and your boyfriend stay where you’re at. Y’all look cute together, so savor it while it lasts.”

“We’re not dating,” we clarified in unison.

“Well, you should be,” she winked.

After she had gone, I turned back to Jason and raised an eyebrow. “See?” I questioned. “Every. Single. Time.”

He shrugged, and I sighed, settling back beside him on the bench. “Want to know the second question they ask?”

When he said nothing, I just went ahead. “They always want to know if you are gay. Because apparently a guy can’t have a girl as a friend unless they are dating, they like each other, or he’s gay.”

“Well, I am bisexual.”

“Shut up, Jason—you’re just proving my point further.”

“Shut up, Jason,” he mimicked, sticking his blue tongue out at me. “What if I licked you?”

“Ew no. Guys are so immature,” I sighed.

“Sexist much?” he gasped in mock surprise.

“Am I wrong?” I retorted.

Settling back against the bench, he caressed his stubbled chin. “No…” I merely raised an eyebrow in satisfaction.

“But girls are so catty,” he said snootily, wrinkling his nose and contorting his face.

“Shut up, Jason,” I said for the millionth time.

“Make me,” he insisted.

I stuck my hand over his mouth, holding it there until I felt something like a coarse sponge rub against the side of my skin. “Ewwwwww, grosssssssss,” I shouted, taking my hand away and rubbing it on his jeans to wipe it off. “Why’d you lick meeeee?”

“You were asking for it,” he said, grinning in obvious pride at himself.

“Now my hand’s blue,” I said, rolling my eyes again.

“Mhm, and so is that ballcap,” he added, yanking it from my head and taking off with it.

I shouted after him in frustration and hilarity, chasing after him for my hat. As I passed, a middle-aged man clucked his tongue at me and said, “Get you a man who will chase after you and not the other way around.”

“For crying out loud!” I shouted to the sky. “WE’RE NOT DATING!”